Appointment with trainee psychologist.

Hey all, well today I had an appointment with the trainee psychologist day. We went though a feelings and thoughts and that was quite had as I feel really disgusted by them. I've also started doing more exercise as I've become a bit obsessed with my weight which isn't bad as im over weight. Also trying to get over a huge haribo addiction since stopping smoking nearly a year ago. I have an appointment next week so hopefully I will have more info Take care TAM X

On the road to.......recovery, hopefully...I think x

Hey all Sorry its been so long since I last wrote, its been an up and down Journey. Well I think my tablets are finally kicking in, I get some really good days. I can now walk to town with my baby girl and even take the kids to school on my own or with baby girl. Yes I still have bad thoughts from the pure-o, but I am still learning to let the thought be and carry on. I will get there. But on other fronts things are bad. My husband has developed a addiction to a game called world of warcraft and its getting me down. He has let his business go down the toilet basically and we have stopped using the car for the summer to try and get a smaller car in the fall, but not a lot of money is coming in. I subconsciousnessly started to punish him by buying on eBay which I have now stopped cause it was causing more harm to the family. Now I just swear at him. Im toying with the idea of writing a book about my experiences with pure-o and Hyperemsis gravim during my last pregnancy. On other bad news a old school friend died the other week and her funeral was today but thanks to hubby I couldn't go as it was in the next village, but sent cards. She was happily married with 6 kids. Life is so unfair. OK I will try to remember to write next week. Love TAM X

Second vist........

Hi all,
I saw my CPN again for the second time and she asked me to do a sort of timeline. Basic wrote down all the main events in my life to see if has any impact. Think im doing a novel. On a diffrent note my IQ test came back ot was at 147, not sure if that means anything.
The Ocd is having its moments so to speak but a bit of dio-phomatic breath does help so all you pure o people try it dont give the thoughts strenght.


Anyways gota shoot x

love

TAM xx

quick how-do.

Hey all.
Well saw my new cpn yesterday, I have seen her before I became very agoraphobic shes great. We went though a history and she determind that my childhood was very stressful,which yeah... I can understand I guess, my brother had the mind of an 18 month old baby but the body of a man so when he had a tantrum someone got hurt but it wasnt his fault bless him. He was starved of oxygen at birth so had quite complex brain damage and suffered from grand mal fits from 18 till his death aged 30. She also confirmed to way to stop pure o is to accept it but its so hard.


Well dears see ya soon x

-TheAnxiousMummy x

seeing new therapist tomorrow.

Hi all how ya doing?
Im not to bad, I see a new thepist tomorrow as my original cpn has gone on maternity leave. She sould have had her baby by now, congrats katie if your reading. Also I know this is stearing away from the subject but a good friend of mine gave birth to her 9th baby, well done babes. Ok back to the suject on hand. Yes im seeing a new theripst/cpn and I am nervous because to be honest im a little ashamed of suffering from ocd spisifically pure o. I try to portray myself as the purfect munmy, you know the kind kids have everything they need, mummy is a superhero who can do anything but sometimes its hard so hid the tears.
I let you know what happens also if you watch one born every minite then please take a minute to look at a fantasic blog. Address is:heatherfrancesca.wordpress.com always cheers me up.

Love
TheAnxiousMummy.

getting there.

Hi all,
Well its been a while hope you all had a good Christmas. Well I think my meds are kicking in its bee 17 weeks I think since starting them and I dont seem to be able to cry anymore, dont know if thats a good or bad thing?
Ive been reading a book called imp of the mind which is quite intresting and covers the subject of pure O very well.

My baby girl is growing up fast laughing alot which does help but mother in law still bringing me down with her gerneral negativity (she constanly moans about britian as she is German and Germany is wonderful aparently can think why you live here.)
We started trying to budget with food so I make a meal planner and yeah it seems to cut back our spending but I get board and buy stuff of the internet lol. I was thinking of doing a vlog on you tube on verious anxiety subjects. Please let me know what you think.

Bue for now I hope to be on soon

untill next time

TAM x

Its been so long.

Hi all.
Sorry I havent posted in a while Ive only just managed to get myself together so to speak.Well as you may have guess our baby girl arrived on the 4th of September 2011 16 days late after being induced, the labor was about two hours long. Everything was great untill about an hour after my labor my OCD took a bad turn. I suddenly daw everything as a danger to my baby including myself. When I got home ot was even worse I loved my baby so much but kept having intrusive thoughts,it was a living hell.After a few days I admitted myself to Qmc mother and baby unit to get sorted. After staying in for about two weeks my Dr said I was suffering from pure O and started me on meds. That was 7 weeks ago and I still get intrusive thoughts but my mood has inproved but its still hell. I just gota learn the thoughts arnt me its OCD.

Thanks for reading

love
Theanxiousmummy.

Well still here.

Hi all,
Well I'm now 40+ 8 and still as you can tell no baby!
I had a sweep at home yesterday but nothing happened so my hubby is going to order a Indian tonight so lets hope it works. Oh word of caution if you don't know what a sweep is and decided to Google it don't be eating or having your dinner when doing so, its not plesent :0
My anxiety levels are high at the moment I dont know if that's due to baby being here soon or just me :*
I'm low on meds and the Dr didn't prescribe anymore so I'm a little worried. I'm meant to go on a new medication after the birth so no sure whats going on there.
Today my chest is tight and I'm dizzy, speaking of dizzy I'm getting dizzy anytime near high electrical items such as cookers, fridges and tills is it just me or can someone shed some light on that? Answers on a postcard. (or underneath which ever is easier lol)
I feel this week winter in the air which makes me feel happy I've got like sesonal afective disorder in reverse lol.
Hubby doing my head in a bit this week if hes not at work hes playing his games.
Other than that I'm still waiting for baby..

Until next week when HOPEFULLY will have baby.

Love TheAnxiousMummy xx

couldnt do it again.

Hi all guess who?? ;-)
Well I didnt see my psychatrist but he did send a plan of action for after the birth for possible Pnd.
I do feel kinda stupid for not going but to be honest I dont think I would have made it as the hospital is in the next town my kids slept in and so did my hubby. In trying not to over think thinks this week but its hard and I hate waking up in the morning so to speak because that awful pit of stomach feeling is there.
In other news Im overdue as I was due yesterday and still no sign of baby arriving anytime soon but see my midwife on Tuesday and she might give me a sweep, I wont explain all I say is Google it and dont be eating your dinner :-*
My Dad tried to contact me again this week though Facebook but I really dont think its him as my Dad has no clue about computers except ebay motors so have a idea its his stupid wife or my sister. As you can tell I didnt respond to it.
Anyways talk next week and hopefully baby Will be here.

Love
Theanxiousmummy

Just wants to be better.

Hello all
well its been another hectic week. Feeling awful this overwelming anxiety is really getting me down but on a sort of positive note I found out its something called pure-o somethi.g related to my OCD. I have another apointment with the Dr this week after not being able to attend last time and I am really going to try and make it.
I found myself thinking of talking to ny dad again as the baby is due very soon but still feel as though I cant ever trust him as he seems to 'blab' everything about me to people I dont particilary think alot of iyswim.
And I dont really want his wife involed in my or my childrens life as to be honest she and her family are well thr kind of people you cross the street to avoid, they really do look like that and trust me are like that.
As I said the baby is due in the next few days and I looking a little bit more forward to it. But Tom and I have agreed to no vistors of the first couple of weeks so it doesnt start of Pnd.
I welcome any comments good or bad so also any questions.

Talk next week

love The Anxious Mummy x

Late I know.

Hi all,
Well its been a while but Ive felt awful really overwhelmed by life so to speak feeling very alone and catasozoing allot about me and hubby dieing and leaving the kids. It really seems like its all over the news about parents dieing and its scary but apparently its my OCD and depression doing this.
I'm now almost 39 weeks pregnant and feeling a little bit better about baby coming but still scared so to speak. Got another appointment to see the therapist about everything and I will really try to go to this one.
Went to see Dr the other week and shes increased my dose of pills I think they are working but still feel pretty low.
OK guys Ill clock in next week.

Love The Anxious Mummy xx

I could'nt do it :(

Hi all,
Well yesterday was all geared up to go go into the car on the way to see the therapist and half way there I had a huge panic attack it brung back bad feelings of my PND with my son. So ended up going home, yes I do regret it but I'm not in that place yet and will get there.
Also I canceled my appointment with my CPN  for next week as I feel ashamed and cant complete the task she asked me to do was call her on the phone, yes might not seem like much but Im scared of the phone due to all
the bad news my dad has deleivered over it over the past 7 years. First of all it was my brother passing then that my mum had months to live then she died then it he was marring a total golddigging bitch that took all the money my mum work hard for, so you see it doesnt hold good memories for me.
Disrealization has been really bad today I just want my life back. Sorry for sounding so morbid but life is hard atm and I feel alone.
Ill check in laters
And to all who think this blog could help people please pass it on.

Therapist Tomorrow.

Hi all just a quick update before bedtime comes around.
Well I see a REAL therapist tomorrow like a Dr which is kind of unnerving as my CPN is very relaxed but its feels a bit scary now.
Speaking of my CPN as part of my CBT exposure she wants me to use the phone to call her but The last time I tried I couldn't dial the number as I was shaking so much, and I see her tomorrow so think I'm in for a telling off.
Dis realization is still as strong as every and mind chatter is also strong so must be supper stressed.
I will let you know how it goes tomorrow

Signed
Stressed in Notts

Living in a Bubble.

Hi all Well I've decided to start a Blog  to get out all my feeling's and hopefully maybe help other suffers. Let me start I'm an anxious mummy In her 20's with an anxiety disorder OCDdepression social anxiety and agoraphobia also a weird phobia of fainting,which I have had for quite sometime. Over the past few months its been really tough. My hubby decided to accept a job and that's when it all started..... The day he went for his 'interview' it actually turned out it was his first day and that's when the dizzies came I was at home with our youngest and our eldest was at school I felt Like I needed to escape then I knew my general anxiety had took a turn for the worst. My dads wife also that day decided to write a hole load of stuff saying she wishes I want around which was a shock I called my dad about this and my hubby went to his house to pick up some stuff and that's when she said I was 'mental ill' and I needed locking up and  acused me of making the whole thing up. When my hubby returned home he told me and also informed me my dad did not defend me. I called my dad and he just suggested I see a Dr I couldn't belive it the guy I had always looked up to could not defend me( to a awful woman who frankly he had only known 5 minutes before he married her but he was pining for my dear mum who died not long before and he did admit he didn't love his new wife he was scared of dying alone). That was it I spiraled into depression also being 15 weeks pregnant wasn't really good for the baby. So I decided to seek help but kept it quiet as Dads awful spouse who love that somthing eles to laugh about. 20 weeks later im her still not talking to my dad but I'm trying to be independent. I've started CBT and I think its helping but now im onto the exposer side and im suffering from some awful symptoms such as: Disrealisation-world not real Depersonalization- im not real Very low mood and crying when my dad is mentioned. Panic attacks etc. So there you go my very first entry and I will try to keep you updated to my progress.