I could'nt do it :(

Hi all,
Well yesterday was all geared up to go go into the car on the way to see the therapist and half way there I had a huge panic attack it brung back bad feelings of my PND with my son. So ended up going home, yes I do regret it but I'm not in that place yet and will get there.
Also I canceled my appointment with my CPN  for next week as I feel ashamed and cant complete the task she asked me to do was call her on the phone, yes might not seem like much but Im scared of the phone due to all
the bad news my dad has deleivered over it over the past 7 years. First of all it was my brother passing then that my mum had months to live then she died then it he was marring a total golddigging bitch that took all the money my mum work hard for, so you see it doesnt hold good memories for me.
Disrealization has been really bad today I just want my life back. Sorry for sounding so morbid but life is hard atm and I feel alone.
Ill check in laters
And to all who think this blog could help people please pass it on.

Therapist Tomorrow.

Hi all just a quick update before bedtime comes around.
Well I see a REAL therapist tomorrow like a Dr which is kind of unnerving as my CPN is very relaxed but its feels a bit scary now.
Speaking of my CPN as part of my CBT exposure she wants me to use the phone to call her but The last time I tried I couldn't dial the number as I was shaking so much, and I see her tomorrow so think I'm in for a telling off.
Dis realization is still as strong as every and mind chatter is also strong so must be supper stressed.
I will let you know how it goes tomorrow

Signed
Stressed in Notts

Living in a Bubble.

Hi all Well I've decided to start a Blog  to get out all my feeling's and hopefully maybe help other suffers. Let me start I'm an anxious mummy In her 20's with an anxiety disorder OCDdepression social anxiety and agoraphobia also a weird phobia of fainting,which I have had for quite sometime. Over the past few months its been really tough. My hubby decided to accept a job and that's when it all started..... The day he went for his 'interview' it actually turned out it was his first day and that's when the dizzies came I was at home with our youngest and our eldest was at school I felt Like I needed to escape then I knew my general anxiety had took a turn for the worst. My dads wife also that day decided to write a hole load of stuff saying she wishes I want around which was a shock I called my dad about this and my hubby went to his house to pick up some stuff and that's when she said I was 'mental ill' and I needed locking up and  acused me of making the whole thing up. When my hubby returned home he told me and also informed me my dad did not defend me. I called my dad and he just suggested I see a Dr I couldn't belive it the guy I had always looked up to could not defend me( to a awful woman who frankly he had only known 5 minutes before he married her but he was pining for my dear mum who died not long before and he did admit he didn't love his new wife he was scared of dying alone). That was it I spiraled into depression also being 15 weeks pregnant wasn't really good for the baby. So I decided to seek help but kept it quiet as Dads awful spouse who love that somthing eles to laugh about. 20 weeks later im her still not talking to my dad but I'm trying to be independent. I've started CBT and I think its helping but now im onto the exposer side and im suffering from some awful symptoms such as: Disrealisation-world not real Depersonalization- im not real Very low mood and crying when my dad is mentioned. Panic attacks etc. So there you go my very first entry and I will try to keep you updated to my progress.